Today, I started thinking about love and what it really is, who means it, who doesn’t, and how can you tell the difference. I am still unsure if it’s something I believe in or not, but each day I become more wary of if I will ever find it. My parents have been married for over 20 years, although I am not naive enough to say,”happily” I know that more often than not they are content in their lives and do love each other. But, even with a good example why do I still question love, I understand my friends hatred of the word, but usually they are from a broken home and have some distorted, sad view on how marriage actually turns out, but why me? Divorce rates are at an all-time high, so is adultery, and infidelity, but then you hear about  love stories and they fill you with a sense of hope that one day that story will be written about your life and that you’ll have the opportunity to have all those mysterious feelings and emotions. Strange that you don’t stop and think at one point that now, divorced couple had those exact feelings and now they can’t even look at each other without a pang of guilt, hurt, and disgust. So why is everyone in such a rush to the altar? Scared to die alone? or scared of themselves? Scared of what they would be without someone to lean on, without someone to add to them, like a body pert they couldn’t live without? Lately, I find my mind wandering more and more to this strange topic of what love really is and how will you know if you find it and how do you really trust someone enough to link you’re entire person to theirs and not fear that they are you doing you wrong or that you won’t find yourself with someone else. Maybe I’m the strange one, so jaded that I choose to not believe in it all together, maybe I’m not, who knows?

Happiness: is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.[1] A variety of biological,psychologicalreligious, and philosophical approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources. Various research groups, including Positive psychology, endeavor to apply the scientific method to answer questions about what “happiness” is, and how we might attain it. Seems like such an extraordinary thing to have, to feel, and to be apart of, yet, we don’t know how to attain it. Seems strange that we can attain almost any physical thing our heart/pocket book can want or afford, but happiness only comes up missing.  What’s stranger is that we believe happiness derives from possessions, that new Lexus in the driveway or the Tod’s sunglasses that you’re sporting, daily I find myself questioning not only the values of the human race but especially my own. My heart skips a beat when I press “Confirm” when placing an order or swiping my card at Nordstrom.  What’s more when I go to my closet, I see a closet full of new clothes, tags, and exclusive brand names but I don’t see myself. I see a girl wanting to fit in and to be admired by her peers, not the cool, sophisticated, classy girl in the magazine wearing the identical outfit. So, even with this emptiness, I continue to buy and buy and buy, and for what? That full closet and an empty heart?  The vanity in all of it is so unfathomable, yet so real.  I can blame reality T.V. and glamorous celebrities but that doesn’t give me what I am so desperate to find. Writing this, whether not one person reads it or a thousand do, is the closest I’ve come to real for as long as I can remember and I’m deeply saddened but almost relieved to share something that I don’t think I am singly guilty of. So if this is you, re-examine, re-define and re-claim your life not your list of tangible vanities.

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